I started a new diet on Thursday - from Herbal Life. My friend is a distributor and has been after me getting onto the weight loss program they do for ages. I finally decided that I should give it a go.
Its a drink-shake for breakfast and lunch and then a low carb meal with lots of veg for tea. You take vitamins & minerals with each meal and there is this stuff called Thermo tea to drink it. Its got natural caffeine in it and is as good as coffee for giving you that lift you need.
Well, as with all things like this I was very skeptical, but.... the first day I lost 3 pounds and this morning when I got on the scales I'd lost a further 2 pounds. Now while I've got about 8 stone to loose and 5 pounds isn't much, it does feel like I'm on the road to somewhere.
Of course being an old hand at many kinds of diets I know that you do loose a good deal in the first week - often just a whole load of water. But I've upped my water intake to over 2 litres a day, so I'm fairly certain its not to do with that.
On another positive note, I had a letter from the Doctor this morning following the blood test I went for on Wednesday. I've been really tired and crabby with mood swings and itchy skin for a while. Robin kept saying that the symptoms were of diabetes and I should get it checked. Well the 1st urine test wasn't normal, the second was. So I went and saw the doctor and asked for a blood test. She was reluctant to say the least. Gave me a lecture about not labeling people with things, as though she thought I wanted to be diabetic. I've watched Robin inject enough to know I don't want it, what I did want was an answer for the tiredness I've had recently.
So, she eventually agreed, after we'd spoken at cross purposes about a few things for a while - her command of English wasn't that good.
Had my arm stabbed on Wednesday and half emptied into little vials for the nurse. Letter today says that there was increased sugar in the blood and they want to do a fasting test on Thursday.
At the end of the day I don't mind what the outcome is, at least I've proved that there is a reason I've been so tired. Obviously I don't want to be diabetic and if they can pinpoint it now I can do something about its onset that would be the ideal. I know lots of people that manage to stave off full blown diabetes for ages with just diet alone. So fingers crossed!
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Paranoia
Had a great weekend, sorted out the horny problem from last week and now feel satiated, although how long for I don't know.
Had a bit of a shock Sunday morning, just coming too - woken by a child bouncing on me. What were the first words out of her mouth? "are you and Robin going to get married" !!! Sheer panic ran through my very fuzzy brain, so I did what mum's do best and deflected the question. "ask Robin" says I and I attempt to change the subject.
Now I know that they had been watching TV, so it makes you wonder what exactly they had been watching? Of course the questions didn't stop there "do you love him more than..." Etc. It was so embarrassing. They were precisely the sort of questions to make Robin panic and while I've almost forgotten his tendency to free fall panic and running away, I bet he hasn't and the last thing I need is for him to think that I'd put the girls up to it.
I mean, in theory getting married to him would be lovely and I can get enthusiastic on a girlie level for the idea of it and mentally plan locations and the like. But and its a huge BUT in reality the whole idea of marriage has many facets to it and not all good ones.
There's the religious bit in me that would like to be married as well as thinking it would set a good example to the girls and I'm worried about what sort of example I set at the moment. I don't want them to sleep around and I do want them to get married for love and stay married - unlike me.
There is the need for security - after the last relationship and its downfall and the disastrous consequences of it I feel like it would be nice to have the comfort of a wedding ring on my hand. But then again I've been married once before and I know it doesn't always work out regardless of how much I want marriage to be for life. But needing security isn't a good reason for getting married.
I know I love him and he completes me in so many ways and I want to feel proud to be his wife, but I want to be sure that the feelings aren't going to change and that he feels the same way about me. What I don't want to do is feel like I've pushed him into something he doesn't want to do. Besides, I really want to do something about loosing weight before I even think about getting married.
And then again there is this sneaking niggle in the back of my mind about how I would react if I was really asked, seriously asked to Marry him. Would I panic and run as a pre emptive strike against being married and then him leaving me?
Or am I just confusing concerns about moving in together in a different property with the marriage concept? Its ok living here together - if it doesn't work out for any reason I've still got somewhere to live, but once I move from here Jacqui will sell this place and then if things don't work out I'm back to square one again but this time with no safety net to fall back on.
Just re-read that, and yep I'm a paranoid mess. Either that or I think too much and too deeply about things, still at least once you've identified neuroses you can do something about facing them.... or so they say!
Oh well, time to put the paranoia back in the box for a while and get on with some work.
Had a bit of a shock Sunday morning, just coming too - woken by a child bouncing on me. What were the first words out of her mouth? "are you and Robin going to get married" !!! Sheer panic ran through my very fuzzy brain, so I did what mum's do best and deflected the question. "ask Robin" says I and I attempt to change the subject.
Now I know that they had been watching TV, so it makes you wonder what exactly they had been watching? Of course the questions didn't stop there "do you love him more than..." Etc. It was so embarrassing. They were precisely the sort of questions to make Robin panic and while I've almost forgotten his tendency to free fall panic and running away, I bet he hasn't and the last thing I need is for him to think that I'd put the girls up to it.
I mean, in theory getting married to him would be lovely and I can get enthusiastic on a girlie level for the idea of it and mentally plan locations and the like. But and its a huge BUT in reality the whole idea of marriage has many facets to it and not all good ones.
There's the religious bit in me that would like to be married as well as thinking it would set a good example to the girls and I'm worried about what sort of example I set at the moment. I don't want them to sleep around and I do want them to get married for love and stay married - unlike me.
There is the need for security - after the last relationship and its downfall and the disastrous consequences of it I feel like it would be nice to have the comfort of a wedding ring on my hand. But then again I've been married once before and I know it doesn't always work out regardless of how much I want marriage to be for life. But needing security isn't a good reason for getting married.
I know I love him and he completes me in so many ways and I want to feel proud to be his wife, but I want to be sure that the feelings aren't going to change and that he feels the same way about me. What I don't want to do is feel like I've pushed him into something he doesn't want to do. Besides, I really want to do something about loosing weight before I even think about getting married.
And then again there is this sneaking niggle in the back of my mind about how I would react if I was really asked, seriously asked to Marry him. Would I panic and run as a pre emptive strike against being married and then him leaving me?
Or am I just confusing concerns about moving in together in a different property with the marriage concept? Its ok living here together - if it doesn't work out for any reason I've still got somewhere to live, but once I move from here Jacqui will sell this place and then if things don't work out I'm back to square one again but this time with no safety net to fall back on.
Just re-read that, and yep I'm a paranoid mess. Either that or I think too much and too deeply about things, still at least once you've identified neuroses you can do something about facing them.... or so they say!
Oh well, time to put the paranoia back in the box for a while and get on with some work.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Horny....
like hell.... and Robin is away for the week working. Normally I have a kind of background horniness which is ok and I can cope with. Its like an annoying niggle that you can ignore most of the time but flares up occasionally. But this week has been awful - sort of migraine like in comparison to a headache type thing. Why I've no idea, but I wish to God Robin was here to make the most of it with.
Instead I've had to rely on the old battery powered friend - which helped to a certain extent, but not really. Knowing my luck though this feeling will have subsided by the time Robin gets home.
Actually, thinking about it, its probably linked to the mid point of my monthly cycle around which times I do usually get a bit more interested in sex and the like. (well its natures way of perpetuating the species) but this month is far worse.
And with the horniness has come a huge wave of kinkiness too. Which again ebbs and peaks but is worse this week.I don't often talk about my kinks on here, but basically I like BDSM, I'm a submissive and proud of it. [Which isn't an excuse for a whole load of HNG's (Horny Net Geeks) to start mailing me as I only submit to one person and that is Robin.] But with him working away I rarely get time to be able to do that. What with needing to get the girls out of the house while we play and him be home and neither of us ill.... you get the picture on how hard it is to play.
Now while I understand all of the above reasons on an intellectual level, I think that the link that tells my body that is missing. All of which means I've been walking about, dreaming of and constantly thinking of a good session where I'm bound and submit and get a good spanking etc ... you get the picture. In fact its probably just as well I'm not male or the hard on in my trousers would be obvious to all and really hard to hide. I guess God did know what he was doing when he made me female after all!
On a completely different note, I'm taking my daughter to the cinema tomorrow with a few friends as a belated birthday treat. 4 girls, one boy aged 6-8 and two adults (I roped a friend into coming too) how hard can it be.... Cinema, popcorn, fizzy pop.... oh God its going to be a nightmare. Please let the film be watchable and not like the pokemon film a friend of mine endured.
At least from what I've heard Shark Tale gets a good press......
Instead I've had to rely on the old battery powered friend - which helped to a certain extent, but not really. Knowing my luck though this feeling will have subsided by the time Robin gets home.
Actually, thinking about it, its probably linked to the mid point of my monthly cycle around which times I do usually get a bit more interested in sex and the like. (well its natures way of perpetuating the species) but this month is far worse.
And with the horniness has come a huge wave of kinkiness too. Which again ebbs and peaks but is worse this week.I don't often talk about my kinks on here, but basically I like BDSM, I'm a submissive and proud of it. [Which isn't an excuse for a whole load of HNG's (Horny Net Geeks) to start mailing me as I only submit to one person and that is Robin.] But with him working away I rarely get time to be able to do that. What with needing to get the girls out of the house while we play and him be home and neither of us ill.... you get the picture on how hard it is to play.
Now while I understand all of the above reasons on an intellectual level, I think that the link that tells my body that is missing. All of which means I've been walking about, dreaming of and constantly thinking of a good session where I'm bound and submit and get a good spanking etc ... you get the picture. In fact its probably just as well I'm not male or the hard on in my trousers would be obvious to all and really hard to hide. I guess God did know what he was doing when he made me female after all!
On a completely different note, I'm taking my daughter to the cinema tomorrow with a few friends as a belated birthday treat. 4 girls, one boy aged 6-8 and two adults (I roped a friend into coming too) how hard can it be.... Cinema, popcorn, fizzy pop.... oh God its going to be a nightmare. Please let the film be watchable and not like the pokemon film a friend of mine endured.
At least from what I've heard Shark Tale gets a good press......
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